More Alien Abduction 'Truths'

Wow, a lot more people are still interested in the alien phenomenon than I initially thought. After yesterday’s blog about alien abduction statistics, I did further research (google again) on the subject. This, coupled with the feedback from my regular readers (yes, all two of them) and a lifetime of research on TV alien shows, I managed to find out more interesting facts and statistics.

(I must qualify that anything printed here is does not necessarily represent the views of this blogger. And I do not appreciate any mail from former alien abductees spamming me for making fun of their anal probe experiences…)

Twinsmom was right. 76% of abductees are Americans.
Why this is so is great mystery. Is it because flying saucers are gravitationally attracted to North America (but not WMD missiles?) Or are aliens really convinced by those “Aliens, please land here!” signs put up by them? I will update you after more research.

Furthermore, you are more likely to be abducted by aliens if you are a fictional character in an American TV show.
Don’t believe this? Watch X-Files. Roswell. First Wave. Taken. Dark Skies. Why does it always happen on those shows but not in Pandan Indah? Don’t get me started about The Twilight Zone.

This statistic is even higher if you are in a low-budget American day-time soap opera.
Amber one day finds her boyfriend Dakota missing. In her grief, she finds comfort in the arms of Ridge, Dakota’s evil twin brother who has just awoken from 2 years of coma. One day, Dakota appears back in Amber’s life, and confesses that all this while he has been ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!! Amber faints and knocks her head on the chair, resulting in amnesia…

10% of pregnant American women abductees claim to have had their fetuses strangely removed by aliens during their abduction.
Fascinating, but the numbers of published accounts support this fact. However, whether this is only an alibi for abortion of unwanted children remains unproven…

68% of reported abduction and alien sightings were reported in trashy American supermarket tabloids such as National Enquirer, Daily Star, US Weekly, etc.
‘Two-Headed Alien Probed and Molested Me’, ‘Elvis seen inside UFO Flying Saucer: Eyewitness’, ‘E.T. Fathered my Triplets, says Woman’, ‘Watch More TV to Improve English, Gomen Says’, etc.

Not all Aliens look the small green man.
This is common misconception: not all of them are small green men with big black eyes. Some look like the Predator. Others look like E.T. Some even look like Chewbacca. There is also at least one that looks like MJ, and only abducts little boys…