Common Job Interview Questions

My research and experience shows the following questions are the most common questions asked by job interviewers. And given below is how most people would REALLY want to answer them…

So why did you leave your last job?
I couldn’t work with my previous boss. He kept asking me to do work. On Monday mornings! And sometimes on Wednesdays, too. Slave driver. But if you call him up and check up on his story, he might mention that incident with the photocopy machine. Its all LIES, I tell you! LIES, you hear me?!

We have a performance-driven, high pressure and competitive working environment here. Are you sure you can handle it?
Wow, performance driven? High pressure?! This is an F1 team, izzit? Noo…! I can’t take this kind of pressure… Don’t want the job, don’t want the job… Give me back my padded resume…!

Can you work long hours?
Yes, of course. My previous job made me stay back until 5.30pm. On Fridays. But as a loyal worker, I never complained. Not once.

We cannot guarantee yearly, bonus and increment; it will all depend on the company’s performance…
Sure, I make up for it by stealing office stationery.

Your expected salary here is a bit on the high side. Don’t you think so?
No. You pay peanuts, you’ll get monkeys.
Or…
What is important here is the expertise I bring to this company. If you value that, money is a secondary issue.
Or…
Why? Is it higher than yours?

I see here you have many years of experience in different areas of work. Can you elaborate on your job description and responsibilities for each one?
I dunno. Which version of my resume are you having? I made many different versions according to my mood… Anyway its all true, no lies there…

Do you have your own transport? This job may require you to travel extensively.
Only if you reimburse me RM2.50 per kilometer. And I want to be sent to Penang (mmm….nasi kandar…) and Genting only. But I may consider London and New York, too. Are you guys giving me an expense account?

If you were hired, when can you start?
Depends. I have another interview tomorrow.