Like That Also Can Ah?!!

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

MJ's Defence Strategy

This conversation between MJ and his defense lawyer in his Neverland ranch was secretly taped and leaked out to the press recently. The conversation took place just after the allegations of molestation against MJ first surfaced…

MJ: You’re late! I’ve been calling you for the last 2 hours? Where have you been?!

Lawyer: I was lost in your stupid Neverland ranch! Why do keep installing those dangerous little-boy-traps? Somebody is going to get seriously hurt one day!

MJ: They are not little-boy-traps! They are for catching… er…. Squirrels.

Lawyer: Yeah, if the squirrel is 4’6” and weighs a hundred pounds…

MJ: They’re for squirrels!! And bears!

Lawyer: Yeah, whatever. What are you watching here? DVDs? What’s this?! (Looking at the DVD box covers) Little Boys from Bangkok”? “Spank Me If I’m Naughty”?!

MJ: Hey, don’t touch that! They’re… educational videos! Listen, I didn’t call you all the way here for small talk. What are we going to do about these molest allegations? Have you come up with a defense plan like I asked you yesterday?

Lawyer: Yes, yes. My boys and I have and worked all night, and we have come up with a few good defense strategies. I think the our best chance is to go with Plan A. We call it Misunderstood Genius MJ. We’ll say that this boy is basically lying to get money, and make up out to be the misunderstood musical genius. Like Elvis and Little Richard...

MJ: Yes, yes, go on…. Musical genius…I like it….

Lawyer: As for Plan B, we call it Eccentric Hermit MJ
. We’ll try to say that this whole molestation thing never happened, and we play up the eccentric recluse story. We'll bring up the Elephant Man, Oxygen Tank, Face Whitening… we were thinking of bringing Bubbles the chimpanzee as a character witness.

MJ: No, I don’t like that one. Besides, Bubbles is still in drug rehab in Cuba. Let’s go with Plan A. Also, make out this cancer boy as a gold digging opportunistic little devil out to ruin my career…

Lawyer: Yes, but before that, as your lawyer, I need to ask you something very important. Did you or did you not molest this boy? Are the allegations true?

MJ: I refuse to answer that question without my lawyer present!!!

Lawyer: I AM your lawyer!!!

MJ: Get out, you’re fired!!! You piece of white trash!

Lawyer: Speak for yourself!!!

MJ: Objection, your honour!! You’re badgering the witness! I demand a retrial! Contempt for the court! Sidebar! I plead the first amendment…!

Lawyer: Weirdo.

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