REALLY FUN Earth Day Green Tips!

Today is Earth Day. I didn’t know about it until I heard it on morning radio. Not to be confused with Secretaries’ Day, or Very Good Public Holiday (yesterday). Nope this is Earth Day. When for one day, everybody (ok, not EVERYbody… some people) get all politically correct and 'environmentally conscious' and try to do something ‘eco-friendly’ and to impress their friends and ease their guilty conscience for the next 364 days.

Don’t get me wrong. I think far more than anyone else I know, my family recycles / saves / reuses / repairs / salvage / scavenges for the environment (or rather more for austerity purposes…). But being green is a daily, life-long effort and consciousness, not just one day in a year.

OK, before it descends into a rant, let me highlight a few REALLY FUN things everyone can do today for Earth Day (for a start) to celebrate… even if you don’t give a damn about the environment...:

• Don’t come in to work today. Tell your boss you don’t want to pollute the air with your car exhaust fumes. Especially if you have an old junk car like mine that looks like a chain-smoker impatient to get cancer...
  
• If you’re already at work, don’t fret. Turn off the air-conditioning to cut down on gas emissions that burn a hole in the ozone. Then get all your colleagues to sit outside in the park/canteen/video arcade/Borders/mamak and sleep the day off or whistle at passing girls.
  
• Recycle water. Pee into the potted plants in your office’s waiting room/foyer. Try to resist the urge to mix some into your boss’ chrysanthemum tea (especially if you’re yeet hei or 'heaty').
  
• If you’re a lady (and can’t pee into potted plants), get all the girls to coordinate their toilet trips, and flush once only after everyone has used the toilet. And use paper from the office shredder instead of expensive tissue paper.
  
• Make a compost heap next to the water cooler or fridge or microwave oven. Dump all shredded paper, used coffee bags, tea leaves, fingernail clippings, dead cockroaches, cat droppings and other biodegradable stuff into a plastic container and continuously keep it wet or moist. After a few days you’ll see the worms and maggots will appear and voila! You’ve got a mini compost heap! You can then put this natural (and wonderfully fragrant) fertilizer into those retarded mini-cactus plants on your colleagues’ desks.
  
• Recycle paper. Many types of paper can be recycled for the office use, especially the fax machine. Cut up used mahjong paper into A4 size (with all the financial calculations). Or use junk mail or flyers you get in your mail box. Just make sure your boss read the CORRECT side of your report, not the side advertising for escort services/slimming centres/feng shui masters/plumber/4D predictions.
  
• Companies spend thousands every month on eco-unfriendly toner cartridge replacements. Collect used engine oil and use it as liquid photocopy toner. It works just fine…just don’t be around when the technician comes around to service the machine. If your machine uses dry powder toner, mix a bit of dark coffee powder or stubble from your electric shaver. Your faxes won’t look so great, but you’re saving the environment, remember…?
  

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