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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Top Ten Things Overheard After MJ Was Acquitted

Top Ten Things Overheard After MJ Was Acquitted by Simon (Guilty? Not guilty? Does anyone really care?)

  • “I’d like to thank all the little people that believed in me in this distressing time – my fans, O.J., Bubbles, The Elephant Man, Lenny my favourite oxygen tank operator, etc.”

  • “Mummy! Mummy! Who’s this Michael Jackson? And why is he touching himself?”

  • “Michael, Michael, we have a proposal for, you. How do you feel about being our spokesperson for SK-II face whitening cream? After all, you are our biggest customer, and we pay VERY well…”

  • “Dammit it! We failed to get him! First Kobe Bryant, then Robert Blake, now this! Don’t worry, we’ll try to get Paula Abdul and Russell Crowe next…”

  • “Michael, this is Larry King from CNN Live. Can you confirm that the rumours that your legal team received some help from the following people – Bobby Donnell, the A-Team, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team and Jerry Springer? Your comments please…”

  • “Oh, look! Today MJ is wearing his latest plastic nose! I like it, it looks better than last week’s silicone one…”

  • “Back-ache! Back-ache! Guards, get my bottle of Jesus-juice! Now!”

  • “Has anyone of you seen my SpongeBob Squarepants pajamas? Can you check if I left it at MacCauley Caulkin’s room…”

  • “Guess what, I’ve got a fantastic idea for a new reality show! First we get 10 young boys, we lock them up in MJ’s Neverland mansion, every week there will be…”

  • “You mean I got away with it?! Woo-hoo! Tonight I’m celebrating!! Bring out the pretty boys and the KY Jelly!”

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