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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Some Things You Don't Know About Star Wars by Simon

This will be the last Star Wars posting. I promise (fingers crossed). Next week the Batman jokes and parodies will commence. (Unless I do the Fantastic Four ones first)

  • Darth Vader’s helmet comes with MP3 player with headphones, X-ray vision to gawk at the female aliens, and need 2 coats of turtle wax everyday.

  • George Lucas modeled the character Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine after certain Malaysian retired politician.

  • Some symbolisms to satisfy the Da Vinci Code fans : Lightsabers = male phallic symbols. Death Star = female fertility symbol (?)

  • When the Scottish actor Ewan MacGregor grows old years from now, he will look mysteriously like Alec Guinness.

  • Yoda is gay (do you SEE any girlfriend or children?)

  • The Wookies are the reigning Intergalactic Basketball Champions, after defeating the Battle Droids All-Star team 143-27 at the Naboo AstroDome.

  • After the success of the grow-you-own Sea Monkeys set, Toys ‘R’ Us are planning one for the reptile creature (the one Obi-Wan Kenobi was riding).

  • The main reason why Jar Jar Binks was not given any lines in this movie was that everytime he said something, the rest of the ambassadors would beat the crap out of him for his annoying fake accent.

  • If anyone gave you a Stormtrooper armour, don’t bother using it, it doesn’t work. One blaster shot and you’re dead.

  • There were rumours of X-rated video clip circulating the Coruscant World Wide Web involving Padme Amidala and C3P-0.

Other moronic Star Wars-in-Malaysia posts by Simon:

What to do When You’ve Watched Star Wars Sixteen Times Already...

Too Many Star Wars Blogs

Top Ten Things That Will Happen If Darth Vader Became the Emperor of Malaysia

Top Ten Most Annoying Habits of Malaysian While Watching Movies

Top Ten Surprises in the New Star Wars Movie

Scenes That You Will NOT See in the New Star Wars Movie

Back to main page.


  • Have you taken the test? What are you? I am Darth Vader, muahahahaha.

    BTW, I saw Fantastic Four trailer and will make sure I bring my troop to the cinema to watch it. Our last show was The Incredibles. (with a 1.5 yrs old baby who behave, ok?)

    By Blogger 5xmom, at 6/07/2005 12:43:00 pm  

  • if no. 1 is true then vader's gaylah. his female gawking xray vision powers would explain why he's breathing heavily all the time. but all the time he's surrounded by male soldiers...

    By Blogger yuin, at 6/07/2005 03:26:00 pm  

  • Someday, I think they'll create a university course based on your Star Wars blogs, and you'll be the main professor. I didn't know there could be so many ways to look at Star Wars!

    By Blogger Pat, at 6/07/2005 04:53:00 pm  

  • and when can we have a version of Mr. & Mrs. Simon (oooops.. Smith ler!)?

    ....i am recovering from the collapsed debri of House of Wax, btw.

    By Blogger keng 坑, at 6/07/2005 08:58:00 pm  

  • 5xmom - i don't think i'll catch FF in cinema. Doesn't look so promising... but your sons will be running havoc for one week after the show.

    yuin - i wonder what happens when he gets turned on while wearing metal pants...

    pat - all i can say is, WAIT TILL I START ON BATMAN!!!

    keng - i haven't watch that one ler... how was house of wax? good?

    By Blogger Simon, at 6/08/2005 08:46:00 am  

  • Gay Yoda is not. He is 900 years old--he outlived all his companions and children!!!! Or ate them.

    By Blogger sexymama, at 6/08/2005 01:09:00 pm  

  • simon, House of Wax is a mixture of wax and blood (and art of course), don't watch it right after you eat!

    By Blogger keng 坑, at 6/08/2005 09:16:00 pm  

  • sexymama - but then his great-great-great-grandchildren?

    5xmom - me also vader la...

    keng - ok, noted.

    By Blogger Simon, at 6/10/2005 10:16:00 pm  

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