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Monday, March 26, 2007

Some Lines That Probably WON'T Appear in the New Harry Potter Book

You know what? In a few months time, the whole world is going to go crazy with Harry Potter mania. Already now, J.K. Rowling's hype machine is in full swing, gearing up for the release of the last (or so she says) book in the HP series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Although i've read all the books so far, i'm not particularly a fan, more of just to see 'what all the fuss is about'.

Everyone's curious as to who are the main characters that Rowling will kill off and what will happened to Harry.

But I know some things for sure. The following passages WILL DEFINITELY NOT be appearing in the new book.


"Really?" said the new first year Hogwarts student to Harry Potter. "You don't look like a 17-year old wizard. More like a 18-year old child actor who once posed topless for Equus. But that’s just me..."


Hermione burst into Harry's room in the Gryffindor dorm and her jaw nearly hit the floor when they she what greeted her. It was Harry's shocked eyes that first greeted hers. "I wanted to tell you all along… it's not what you think!"

"How could you not tell us?!" Hermione screamed, close to tears. "You? And Ron?! Oh put down the baby oil, for Merlin's sake."


"I don't know," replied Harry, as he looked up to Ron and Hermione from his Defence Against Dark Arts textbook. "Yesterday, during Quidditch practice, for no apparent reason, I was overcome by this overwhelming feeling that millions of book-buying muggles out there was getting pretty sick of me. All of a sudden. What do you guys make of that?"

"Oh don't worry, Harry. It’s probably just the euphoria of being the most popular kid in Hogwarts," replied Hermione. As she turned away from Harry, he was puzzled to spy her roll her eyes at Ron.


"Oh come now, Harry. Why bother with the other players in Quidditch? It's just buggery waste of time, innit? It doesn’t matter how hard we play or how many we score. Just wait for the Golden Snitch while we all go for some tea in the dining hall."


The crowd of students in the Great Hall hushed down and focused on Professor McGonagall who was getting up from her seat. "Thank you for your attention, students. I'd like you all to meet two gentlemen who will be with us for a few days," she said, gesturing to the two strangers with unkempt facial hair and strange spectacles. The acting principal continued, "They will be carrying out some research of their own, so please give them your fullest cooperation.”

The two gentlemen grinned back at Professor McGonagall. The first one nudged the other and whispered, "This is going to be our best experiment on Mythbusters yet…"


Voldermort turned to Harry slowly, and with a slow deep dying breath, said, “"Dumbledore has taught you well, but Harry, I AM YOUR FATHER…"


Snape was white with anger, and he raised his arms theatrically… "Oh for crying out loud, not the freaking Invisibility Cloak again?! How many times are you going to use that freaking cop-out plot device? The next thing you’ll be telling me there’s another 3 books to follow! Or a prequel!"


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