Work for Jobless Grads: Another Fictional Story

Except from The Star today:

Work for Jobless Grads

The Higher Education Ministry is considering to absorb jobless graduates into local education institutions to teach certain subjects. Minister Datuk Dr Shafie Mohd Salleh said yesterday that these graduates could take up these jobs in schools. “We need to look at specific areas in the education sector which can be filled by these graduates.

Oh, yeah. I can imagine it now. Jonathan Chan the IT graduate from University of Nossex, United Kingdom is sent to Sekolah Rendah Kampung Ayak Tawak, Felda Kundang Ulu, in the interiors of the Johor virgin jungle. Jonathan, since he was from Lucky Garden International School and also studied in UK, he was required to teach Bahasa Inggeris Darjah Tiga (Primary 3 English) to 29 Felda settlement children.

(Because of his schooling, it is important to note that Jonathan speaks no Bahasa Malaysia, except important words like jamban, briyani, saudari and a few more unprintable ones)

Jonathan: Ok, yeah, guys, I’m going to be your new English teacher here, like, until I get a decent job in Accenture or Microsoft. I’m Jonathan from Lucky Garden…

Primary 3 boys: (together in sing-song voices) SE-LA-MAT PA-GI, CIK-GOOO.....

Jonathan: Whoa, like easy on singing, man. Ok, like I was saying, man, I went for like, a dozen interviews in KL & Singapore already, man. Hoping to like get a job offer anytime now, so like this teaching is just a temporary gig, just to keep the cash flow going there, know what I’m saying? (*grins*)

Primary 3 boys: (Silence as they gape at him)

Jonathan: OK, so, like you guys are not so much talkers, eh? Its OK if you don’t put out on the first date….Ah hahahahaha…. (wipes tears of laughter) I crack myself up sometimes.

Primary 3 boys: (More silence a few jaws drop onto tables)

Jonathan: So what's hot around K-Town here, man? I don't know how long I can survive without a Big Mac and broadband, yeah? I've been up and down the main street here, kinda nice place you've got here, kinda like those old movies. Speaking of which, anyone of you seen the new French film, Le Flabbergastuer? I so into art house these days.

Primary 3 boys:(Drool starts flowing down the open mouths...)

Jonathan: OK, so like just to warm you guys up to me, I like blogging, Six Feet Under, Half-Life, Paris Hilton (hubba, hubba, hubba!) and I’m trying to get this web development biz off the ground, man. And on weekends I’m usually on two wheels through the jungles at Kiara, or out with my friends at Bangsar, you know just hanging loose… Man, its kinda hot here, innit? Yeah, can one of you munchkins there crank up the fan? "It getting hot in herre..." (sings like Nelly)

Kamil the Primary 3 Class Monitor: Eh, aku tak paham dia cakap apa. Budak darjah tiga mano paham cakap orang putih? Leman, engko paham, ke?

Leman: Aku ingat dia sikit tak betul, lah.