Top Ten Things Simon Just Realized Today, June 29, 2005

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow marks the end of the first of 2005. That means 6 months has passed, another 6 more to 2006. I don’t know whether to celebrate or gripe. Regardless, this morning on the way to work, while in the traffic jam, I just realized a few things, in conjunction with this mid year milestone…


Top Ten Things Simon Just Realized Today, 29th June 2005

• He has just realized he has only achieved 2 items in his list of 25 resolutions for this year – ‘get through first half of the year without getting fired’ and ‘eat less complex carbohydrates’.
  
  
• He forgot to submit his tax returns. (OMG…!)
  
  
• The earlier in the month you get your monthly salary, the faster you run out of money. (It’s not even JULY yet!!)
  
  
• Out of the 9 goldfish he has, there is now only one, lone survivor (it’s like a reality show for pets... that neighbour's cat better watch out...)
  
  
• The newspapers are getting more and more depressing everyday.
  
  
• Life without EPL kinda sucks.
  
  
• He has been wearing the same pair of office slacks for the past 3 days. (When is that salary review coming?! I need to go wardrobe shopping!)
  
  
• Every morning on the way, other drivers all make way and stay clear of his old junk car. (“No, no, dear… don’t drive too close to that car… it looks like its going to fall apart any moment…!”)
  
  
• The guy I buy newspapers from every morning looks a lot like Chow Yuen Fatt. (especially with that toothpick…)
  
  
• There are no public holidays in July. (Gaaaah….!).
  

Looks like another sloooow day...




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New Malaysian Political Terms

I have not been following the latest news for awhile. Apparently the correct term for vote-buying or corruption used in the newspapers is:

• Bribery / Corruption = ‘Money Politics’
  

Or in Bahasa Malaysia, the proper usage is as follows:

• Rasuah / Korupsi = ‘Politik Wang’
  

OK, I’m following so far. But here are some more popular Malaysian euphemisms, if I may suggest:

• Poison-Pen Letters = ‘Surat Layang’
  
  
• Letters in a shape of a Kite = ‘Surat Layang-layang’
  
  
• Poison-Pen SMS = ‘Sistem Utusan Ringkas Layang’
  
  
• White Collar Crime (Jenayah Kolar Putih) = ‘Jenayah Oleh Orang yang Kolar-nya dibasuh dengan Breeze’
  
  
• Blue Collar Crime (Jenayah Kolar Biru) = ‘Masalah Sosial Tenaga Pekerja Asing’
  
  
• Drug Abuse = ‘Penyalahgunaan Dadah’
  
  
• Your daughter downloading 200 ringtones and wallpapers a month = ‘Penyalahgunaan Telefon Bimbit’
  
• Small Fish = Technically, not ‘ikan kecil’ but ‘Ayam tambatan’.
  
  
• Big Fish = ‘Hampeh la engko, baik resign sendiri’
  
  
• ‘If I pay you RM2000, please vote for Datuk Simon’ = AFUNDI SIMON

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What Really Happened...

Mike - Why did you bring your baby here? You’re supposed to be working!

Jenny – Look, I’ve no choice! My babysitter cancelled at the last minute, my parents are out of town, and I can’t find anyone to look after her, so I had to bring her here!

Mike – Jenny, this is an important job! If we screw it up, our bosses at the station are SO going to fire us!

Jenny – No, no, Mike. Nothing’s going to happen, OK? You just do the interview, I’ll handle the camera with one hand and hold the baby with the other... She won’t cry, she’s such an angel.

Mike – Uh, I don’t know. I’ve got an uneasy feeling about this. Couldn’t you leave her in her cot here in the van? I’ll leave the air-conditioning running, at least we can get on job.

Jenny – I can’t do that, Mike! She’s just a baby! What if something happened to her? You’ve got to help me, Mike. Please? Remember when I covered for you when your mom was hospitalized? Huh, remember that?

Mike – Alright, alright. I’ll do the interview holding the microphone, and you handle the video camera AND the baby. Just make sure she doesn’t cry, OK? Gawd, if something goes wrong, my career as a reporter is down the drain, man. And you, you’ll probably never get another gig as a cameraman in this town again. Oops, I mean, camera-woman… Stop playing with the baby rattle!

Jenny – OK, calm down here he comes! Here comes Tom!

Mike – OK its show time! Let’s do one good, clean take…

Jenny – Oh, wait could you hold my baby’s squirt bottle for me? You’ve got one free hand, I can’t hold anything else…

Mike – Why can’t you leave it in the van…! Tom’s almost here! Oh alright… (grumbles…grumbles…) Tom, Tom, I’m Mike Smith from CNN UK, can I ask a few questions regarding your humanitarian work in Africa…

Jenny – NO, MIKE, DON’T SQUEEZE THE BABY BOTTLE LIKE THAT! YOU’RE GONNA SQUIRT IT ON MR. TOM CRUISE…!

Mike - Huh? What's happening...? Jenny...!

Tom Cruise – WHAT THE…?! Why would you do that? Do you like thinking less of people, is that it? Don't run away! That's incredibly rude!! I'm here giving you an interview and you do that ... it's incredibly rude. YOU'RE A JERK ... JERK ... YOU'RE A JERK!!!

(and that my friends, is how it actually happened...)

Buy Apartment Also OK What?

Further to my entry last week about buying houses in the Klang Valley, let’s not forget those who stay in apartments. Most of my friends stay in apartments, and I’m pretty warm with the idea. Apartments (or condos, if the developer charges you RM20,000 more for the same thing) are usually in prime locations, near public transport and commercial areas like SS2 or Cheras.

The main factors people consider when buying apartments/condos are the price, location, near LRT/bus route or not, rental market, etc. You know, the usual things. But here are some more factors (but LESS popular) you should consider:


The view – Don’t waste an extra RM80k on a special view from your apartment, like KLCC or the Turf Club. Next year some other condo will come up and block view. Or they’ll build a highway right across your balcony, then you’ll have an excellent view of concrete and car exhaust fumes. Besides, 6 months a year Malaysians will enjoy uninterrupted, scenic view of the haze. Also, getting a fabulous view of the Twin Towers AND the DBKL oxidation pond is NOT a good trade off.


Swimming pool – Make sure your apartment unit is near the swimming pool, even if it’s a 6’ x 8’ wading pool. So if JBA decides to cut the water supply for the weekend, you trips to draw water with your laundry pails relatively nearer… But on the downside, you can also see if anything freaky is floating in the pool...


Penthouse units – Don’t get the top-most units. Why? When the water tank leaks / overflows, you’re the only unit to get affected. Fantastic view you say? Listen, the view of the illegal Indonesian kongsi from the 19th floor of your apartment is exactly the same as the 20th floor, man.


Roadside parking - If you can’t get a unit near the swimming pool, try to get one near the roadside parking. Now you will say that it would be noisy due to the traffic, right? But wait, if DBKL come and summon for illegal parking, you would the first to know, and the first to run down with your bathrobe to remove your car. Let’s face it, ALL Malaysian condos NEVER have enough parking lots.


The name – Choose a place with a cool, pseudo-French/olde English/Roman names, like Dorsett Heights, Le Meridien Towers, Plazza Impiana or something like that, to impress your friends. Telling everybody you stay at ‘Lumba Kuda Flats’ or ‘Casa de Pekeliling’ is just not on.



You can tell it’s another slow day for me…




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Obligatory PPS Bash Post

I just watch TechnoLAHgy's Bash Video and it's bloody good! Next year I bet there's going to a live web-cast on PPS...

Well, with no photos to show and me being out travelling the major part of yesterday, I didn't do a PPS write-up, and so I can only do one here today. But if you want an excellent post about it with lots of cool pics, head on to Jayelle's site here. Some more got dramatic storyline of how she made it at the last minute from Subang...!

But if you want it all in a one-stop-centre, head over to Mudpond's link post here. Yep, there you can find all the photos, write-ups, blurred-up faces, and "I-saw-who" stories.

So here's who I got to meet:

'Da Man' Jeff Ooi - I recognized him instantly. We chatted awhile about USJ.com.my and the situation in the housing area. He's very friendly, and all I envisioned him to be.

'Mr. PPS' Aizuddin - Siap dengan cigar lagi, tu... Another nice bloke, manning the registration.

'Brand New' MackZul - He said some really encouraging stuff to me about my blog, and girls, he's a real charming guy!

'Colour' TV Smith - He's so cool. I thought he looked a bit like Patrick Teoh! I told him about how he started me blogging, and shocking, he remembers my comments on his blog!

'Black Metal' Peter Tan - came late, must managed to say hi to him.

Dinzlink - nice chap, with his cap on. For him I gladly obliged a photo... To bad me no see 8555!

Prema - I was at the barwhen she introduced herself, sorry I was pre-occupied...

jack0 - Nice guy who introduced himself. Did you act in some commercial? :)

Lainie & Fip - Nice people, too bad we didn't get to really chat.

Kenny - Nice of him to come and say hi, probably the most photographed guy of the night!

suanie - probably the most photographed girl of the night!

Pilotwings & friend- I'm afraid the cat is rather out of the bag, now, wouldn't you say...?

ireneQ - first person to recognize me!

james - it was raining at the bar, OK?! :P

Elizabeth Tai - OMG, I just realized who you are! i'm so blur, say hi to sivin...

Desiderata - sorry i was out of cards, but my blog is always here... :P

(sorry if I missed out anyone...)


and I also got to see (but didn't get to meet) so many people like minishorts, shaolin tiger, kimberlycun (who thot I was viewtru), lucia and so many others. Browse thru the pics and you get to see the crowd.


(and for those who didn't make it, i'm not the one dancing on the bartop...)




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PPS Neophyte Blog of the Year: A Million Thanks!

At the very last minute, I decided to go to the PPS Birthday Bash last night. Sorry Aizuddin, for not registering at the VOIWiki and pre-ordering my food!

But the desire to meet the heavyweight bloggers who inspire me on a daily basis was too much for me - Jeff Ooi (the greatest blogger in Malaysia), MackZul (for saying it as it is), Aizuddin (no Aiz, no PPS) and TV Smith (his blog got me started). (but 5xmom wasn't coming...)

(Yeah, and also to pick up my PPS T-shirts and save on the posting charges!)


I sincerely never thought I would win, as I was up against some really popular blogs, Mudpond and Jaded. So when they announced my name for the Neophyte award, i was really stunned and was practically speechless (yeah, those who were there can attest to that...!)


Many, many thanks to all who nominated for me, and for those who voted for me... A million thanks, and your support and readership means the world to the lowly-paid construction man who also happens to blog... (I'm refering to me, if you didn't catch that... :)


(sorry to everyone for the 'no photos', i really dont want to be a bother but I really owe people a lot of money, so I have to stay anonymous! So thanks to sixthseal, leona and minishorts for obliging.)


Congrats to Kenny and Jeff for their awards! Mine was only a khe-leh-feh award, theirs were the big ones!


(by the way, pilotwings, :p ! )




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PPS: Happy Birthday, Here's To Many More

Happy 2nd Birthday, PPS.

The coming years for our blog-tal is like an infinite open road, our future is what we want to make it to be.

Here's to many, many more good years. Right Aiz? :)





(Couldn't find a more appropriate original photo, so this one will have to do!)



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What Sex Is Your Car?

I just learnt a new fact yesterday, from another blogger. You can tell the gender of a car by the shape of it. If it’s a boxy, squarish shape, it’s a MALE car. If it’s rounded in shape, then is a FEMALE car.

Guess who taught me this? None othert than our very own celebrity blogging car 8555. By his definition, a Proton Iswara is male, and Lotus Elise is female. And since him being a car and all, I’m taking his word for it (I think he knows his kind better…)

So that got me thinking: What gender are all the other cars in Malaysia? Male? Female? Transsexual / Ah Kua / Hermaphrodite (mixture of squarish and rounded shape)? Here goes:


(Disclaimer: Before I get another round of spam from disgruntled readers, it’s the gender of the CAR we’re talking about here, NOT the gender of the DRIVERS, OK?!)


Proton Tiara – Male.

Honda City – Male (but then why all those racer-boy Ah Bengs love it so much?)

Proton Wira – Female.

Perodua Kelisa – Frankly, looks transsexual to me.

Kia Picanto – Surely female?

Proton Juara – Definitely, one hundred percent, MALE.

Perodua Kembara – one of the very few female 4-WDs.

Perodua Kenari / Toyota Unser / Toyota Avanza - Male, male, male.

Toyota Vios – Female (thank God, Pat!)

Toyota Altis – I say male, my wife say female. So it’s an Transsexual.

Kia Optima – Male (I’m very sad to break this to you, Pat…)

Naza Ria – My wife says male, 5xmom…

Kia Rio – Oh, man. That’s so female.

All common Mercedes / BMW / Volvo cars – mostly males (except the convertibles…)

Hyundai Elantra – Transsexual.

Hyundai Accent – Transsexual.

Hyundai Matrix – Transsexual. I’m beginning to see the trend with Hyundai here…



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So Where to Buy a House?

Almost everyone I meet between the 24 to 30 age range like to talk about buying houses in the Klang Valley. It’s that age when we start working, plan to get married, so everyone needs a house to call their own. But being average income earners, we are limited in our choices of where to buy property, be it landed or apartments. To get a cheap house, you either buy far from the city, or settle for an apartment, but nearer.

But one thing I always hear is the ever-ready negative comments about all these places. These people always repeat it everytime the topic comes up. Presumably, these people are the fortunate ones who’s parents have bought them nice houses in PJ SS2 / Kenny Hills / Bandar Utama / Ampang or any place with the word ‘Damansara’ in it.

Yeah sure, YOU don’t have to work your fingers to the bone to repay huge loans for a crummy 18’ x 60’ house, so do us a favour and stay in your mansions next to the golf course, OK?


Given below are those ACTUAL comments I have heard through the years.


Kepong – Eeeyer! Dowan to stay there la. Very cinapek (‘Chinaman’) place, if you buy house there then you stay next to taxi drivers and fish mongers. Some more you see all those stalls at the side of the road selling fruits and stuff, eeyer… Can’t believe people can stay that kind of place.


Kota Damansara – Traffic jam lah crazy, man. Everybody want to use Sony exit and Penchala link, some more got so many condos and housing areas there. Everything also so expensive, one. And then on weekends the whole place jammed up, all those people going to Ikea, the Curve, Ikano, Tesco, 1 Utama new wing, 1 Utama old wing, etc…


Sg. Buloh – You want to stay next to the jail, aa?


Puchong – Wah, that one all tin mining land lah! Afters your house got sinkhole then you know. Then last time you remember Puchong got crocodile? Not only that, I heard its near the rubbish incinerator, everyday smell rotting garbage. The houses there all not nice, all square-square one, some more got to pay LDP toll.


Sri Damansara – So far from PJ. And then so near to Kepong, trust me lar, the house value won’t go up one…


Klang – Wah, you crazy, aa? So far! Don’t care how cheap-lah, no way I’m staying there, man! My engineer friend say Klang the soil all not good one, you house sure got cracks and potholes one. Everyday you spends so much on toll, better I stay somewhere nearer. Everybody say the river so smelly. And I also cannot speak Hokkien…


Balakong / Seri Kembangan – Aiyeeeer! That place the roads got no system one, some more all the gangsters stay there. Everytime I pass there I always see the squatters and Chinese new village, if you buy there your house where got resale value…


Bandar Sg. Long / Kajang / Bangi / Bukit Beruntung / Kota Kemuning - Crazy aa? Stay so far for what?




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Top Ten Most Frequently Asked Questions About Project Petaling Street

PPS turns two years old tomorrow, June 23rd. I've only been a member for a short time, but I've been introduced to some fabulous sites and bloggers here. So as a tribute to the Malaysian institution and it's impact on the local bloggers and readers, I'd like to do my part to promote the PPS. There is already an FAQ at the site, but below are some queries NOT addressed there.



Top Ten Most Frequently Asked Questions About Project Petaling Street



How do I get there?
Turn right on Jalan Cheng Lock after Kotaraya Complex, towards Sambanthan. Oh, you meant the website, is it? It’s at http://www.petalingstreet.org/


Why is PPS only in black and white?
License for black and white websites are cheaper than colour websites. Just like TV licenses.


I notice they use the word 'blog-tal' to describe the site. What does it mean?
It’s a French-Canadian accounting term, short for Banking Ledger Overdraft Gross toTAL. Now you know.


How many pings are there in the PPS database?
48,888. Simon guessed the correct number in some online contest. But they refuse to acknowledge my correct entry!


How many members are there in the PPS?
On the last count there were actually 1414, but Chinese superstitions forbids us to use that number. So when people ask, we answer 13A13A.


How much does PPS make from the advertising on the page?
About RM84,000 a month. The co-founders have Swiss bank accounts and drive Mercedes CLKs.


Are there any famous people or celebrities ping to PPS?
Yes, rumour has it there’s a former PM, and a few cabinet ministers and two or three top senior police officers. No, their pseudonyms are not known… Now you can’t say you weren’t warned…


How many pings does PPS get in a day?
It depends. Usually, about 100, based on my estimates. Except when the server runs out of bandwidth, then we only get like 4 a day… (boy, Aiz isn’t gonna be happy about this one…!)


Are there any future expansion plans for PPS?
Yes, they are looking at online bill payments, video-blog pings, corporate sponsorship by a major fat-reduction/slimming centre, a PPS-inspired reality show (‘The Apprentice’ ‘The Ah-Ping!-tice’), etc. Stay tuned, folks.


Who is going to win Akademi Fantasia 3?
Mawi. Or Felix. (I can’t believe I just answered that!)

(For further reading on the background of the PPS name and co-founder, please also read this posting.)

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Photoblog: It Came One Morning

Early in the morning, I saw the light from the alien mothership through the foliage... Yes, they have finally answered my call to take me away...






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Top Ten Signs Simon Needs A New Car

For those of you that have seen my car, they can attest how many of the following points are true. Nine years on the road, one major accident, (and a few minor ones) this road warrior has definitely seen better days… Now that his comrade 8555 is famous, this old junk is in severe depression…



Top Ten Signs Simon needs a new car

• Older people keep mistaking his car for the one used in the old Starsky & Hutch TV series.
  
  
• MTV’s ‘Pimp My Ride’ is practically begging Simon to let them use his car for the show.
  
  
• Everytime he brings his car to the workshop, the mechanics cheer and pop champagne.
  
  
• The annual insurance premium costs more than the car’s street value.
  
  
• Due to noise and smoke pollution, Simon is not allowed to drive by schools and kindergartens during schooling hours.
  
  
• Tractors and backhoes flash and tailgate him on the main road.
  
  
• Simon can ‘drift’ his car at 37km/h.
  
  
• When his family goes outstation, PLUS issues him a special ‘extended hours’ ticket at the toll booth.
  
  
• Spare parts for his car can be found in the ‘Proton Vintage’ section of the accessories shop.
  
  
• After spending so much on repairs, his mechanic Ah Keong refers to Simon’s car as the ‘pot of gold’.
  

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Aizuddin, PPS & Bloggers in the News

The big buzz today is PPS is being mentioned in the Star, together the prominent bloggers of our blogtal. So congratulations to Aizuddin and the bloggers. Like I said, Aizuddin, you’re becoming a celebrity alright!

So to commemorate the grand occasion, today’s top ten list (well, it’s actually 5 + 5) will be for the co-founder of PPS.



Top Five Reasons Aizuddin co-founded Project Petaling Street:

• He thought this would be a great way to meet chicks.
  
  
• He ACTUALLY lives in Petaling Street (shoplot just above the 3rd fake leather goods stall).
  
  
• “But the revenue from Google Adsense will surely be enough to pay for my new Mercedes CLK!”
  
  
• He loves ping!-pong!
  
  
• To fulfill his dream to be a model… :p
  
  

Top Five Rejected Names Before ‘Project Petaling Street’ was chosen:

• ‘Project Wilayah Complex’
  
  
• ‘HotMalaysianGuysAndBabesBlogging.Com’
  
  
• ‘Project Petaling Jaya’
  
  
• ‘Projek Terbengkalai’
  
  
• ‘Jom Kita Berbelog’
  

(To all readers: It's all untrue, just a parody, OK? Just joking ah Aizuddin, don’t send your lawyers down here aa?)




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Photoblog: Disappearing KLCC

Took this photo last year outside the KLCC park... Looks like some David Copperfield trick...






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Congratulations, Jeff Ooi

I know this is old news, I read about it on Thursday but didn't have time to blog about it until today.

Jeff Ooi has voted as the Freedom Blog, Asia, organized by Reporters Without Borders defending freedom of expression. You can also read his entry about it here.

I've have not met the great man, and he definitely does not know me. But I have been an avid reader of his blog, especially those on Malaysian socio-political issues. Since I have never commented on any of his postings (I don't think I am at that level yet...), I'd like to offer my heartiest congratulations here.

To freedom of speech, Mr. Jeff Ooi. As the man always say, "Thinking Allowed, Thinking Aloud" and "Can you handle Freedom of Speech?"




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Fluctuating Roti Canai Price

Two or three times a week I have breakfast at this huge nasi kandar restaurant somewhere in Ampang. The food is OK, the place is clean, the service is quite acceptable. But there’s something I just don’t understand about that place.

Every time I go, I order the same thing. Two roti kosong (they chop it up) and one ‘teh ais’ (I can eat this stuff 3 meals a day).

But every time I got and pay at the counter, I get a different price. Sometimes RM3.10, sometimes RM3.20. The cheapest I got was RM2.40, the highest was RM3.60.

Every time it is different. There can’t be a mistake in the tab, since they use mark out your order on a bill and pass to you.

Today I asked the guy manning the cash register (It’s the same guy everyday). This guy has a perpetual look of boredom on his face (Why? Isn’t it an exhilarating job?).

So I said in Malay, “Boss, do you know that each time I come here, I order the same stuff, but the price is different every time?”

“Huh?” came the reply (no change in glazed expression).

So repeated the question (He may need a ‘talian hayat’ to understand the question, folks!).

He replied, “You mean at this shop?”

No, I meant the Lobby Lounge at the JW Marriot, you genius.

When I said yes, he took a few seconds to digest the info, at the same time giving me this baffled look as if I just explained Fermat’s Last Theorem to him.

Anyway, I didn’t have all day, so I just asked him for the ‘price of the day’ (today it soared up to RM3.60 again).

Since there is no price list anywhere (or one that I can see), I’m guessing the correct price should be RM3.20. Or maybe it IS like the share market.




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Your Most Important Job Priority (Trust Me on This)

My friend company, a mid-sized, multi-national corporation, is going through some restructuring. By product of that process, the staff is put through some re-evaluation/soul-searching/identity crisis sort of thing. They each have to list down 5 priorities of their job, so he came to me for help.

Well, since I’m happy at my job (and based on my experiences with my previous jobs), I was more than glad to lend him a hand.

So I recommended the following 10 priorities for him to give his management. I know they asked for five, but by giving 10, it is called being ‘proactive’ and ‘efficient’. Which, by the way, is applicable for ANYONE in ANY JOB in the world:

• Try not to get yourself fired (The very top priority)
  
• Try not to piss off your boss/bosses.
  
• Try not to make enemies with your colleagues (I’ll have to admit this is REALLY hard)
  
• If you need to suck up, don’t make it too obvious. EVERYONE (and may include the one you’re sucking up to) will hate you for it.
  
• If you don’t know, don’t pretend you do.
  
• If it does not involve you, don’t get involved.
  
• Drink less coffee.
  
• Don’t gossip. Everyone will know what you said. Trust me.
  
• The boss’ driver and secretary are the two most important people you should be buddies with.
  

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Darth Vader vs. Batman: So Who Is Cooler?

OK, so let’s run them head-to-head, just like in those magazines…


The Ride
Batman – The cool Bat-mobile. So many different versions, but the most popular one is the original long one. With flaming exhaust. As seen in the first movie.
Darth Vader – No specific ride, except a special edition Tie Fighter, as seen in Episode 4. Got his ass kicked by Han Solo.

• Score 1 for Bats.

The Crib
Batman – He has the Wayne mansion. Yawn. And also the Bat-cave. Housemate? Alfred the butler.
Darth Vader – Death Star. Now this is cool. Plus if some planet is blocking your way, Kaboom!

• Score 1 for Vader.

The Girls
Batman – Lots of love interests: Julie Madison, Chase Meridien, Vicki Vale, Talia al Ghul, etc. Something about girls being attracted to the strong silent type.
Darth Vader – No love life since Padme Amidala. Anyway, since that incident in the volcano, it has left him, how shall we say, incomplete…

• Score 1 for Bats.

The Clothes
Batman – Originally, was the cloth suit, then it was rubber/latex, lately he’s more inclined to metal. Worst thing is spending 20 minutes putting on that armour and then you have to pee.
Darth Vader – Metal armour suit. Poofter cape. Shiny helmet with X-ray vision. (“Hot babe coming! Hot babe coming!”). Definitely cooler.

• Score 1 for Vader.

The Army
Batman – Fights alone. Well, sometimes Robin the Gay Icon helps. But not much. Seeing that kid’s hairy naked legs just turns you off.
Darth Vader – Massive army of Stormtroopers, Battle droids, officers, etc. The ultimate dictator-Dark Lord.

• Score 1 for Vader.

The Rogue’s Gallery
Batman – The most impressive array of baddies in comic-dom: Joker, Two-Face, Riddler, Bane, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Ra’s Al Ghul, Man-Bat. So many more. Whipped everyone of them.
Darth Vader – Hmmm… Betrayed Obi-wan. Killed Mace Windu. Betrayed his own Master, Sidious. Beaten by the rebels.

• Score 1 for Bats.

Final Score: Tied at 3-3.
Looks like we need to have a rematch. To be continued…



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Top Ten Disadvantages of Batman Working in KL instead of Gotham City

And so the Batman Begins hype is starting. Just as well, the Darth Vader jokes were getting old...

Top Ten Disadvantages of Batman Working in KL instead of Gotham City by Simon (who, by the way, used to be the mechanic for the Batmobile)

• Everybody can guess that the secret Bat-cave is somewhere near Batu Caves.
  
  
• Damn Batmobile needs 2 parallel parking lots.
  
  
• Competition from ‘Keluang Man’.
  
  
• Every tried wearing that black metal suit at 2.00pm under Malaysian weather?
  
  
• All the ladies keep mistaking you for that Darth Vader flasher pervert.
  
  
• DBKL (City Hall) keeps sending the Bat-signal when they need to catch VCD peddlers, Vietnamese call-girls, illegal mamak stalls, Ecstacy raids, etc.
  
  
• Robin keeps using the Bat-computer to for BitTorrent.
  
  
• Malaysian bats are so difficult to train. Plus they like to sh!t all over the place.
  
  
• Moronic Ah Beng racer-boys in their modded Honda City’s trying to ‘tiong’ you to drag race with your Batmobile.
  
  
• Two words – Traffic Jam.
  

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Spandau Ballet's Through the Barricades

Somehow I don’t know why I’m reminded of this song today. I’ve always like the song since I first heard it as a small kid. This was the age of the New Romantics, but this song is not typical of that age.


Through the Barricades

Mother doesn't know where love has gone
She says it must be youth that keeps us feeling strong
I see it in her face that's turned to ice
And when she smiles she shows the lines of sacrifice
And now I know what they're saying as our sun begins to fade
And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

It’s a song about growing up in poverty, something I (and many people out there) could relate to. From the opening acoustic chords, it just brings me back to another place…

Father made my history
He thought for what he thought would set us somehow free
They taught me what to say in school
I learned it off my heart but now that's torn in two
And now I know what they're saying in the music of the parade
And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

My dad of quite cool in the face of hardship. He never once flinched, I guess I take after him in that sense…

Born on different sides of life
We feel the same and feel all of this strife
So come to me when I'm asleep
We'll cross the lines and dance upon the streets
And now I know what they're saying as the drums begin to fade
And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

As I grew older I realized the song was also about falling in love with someone very different from you, someone from a different life.

Oh turn around and I'll be there
There's a scar right through my heart but I'll bear it again
Oh I thought we were the human race
But we were just another borderline case
And the stars reach down and tell us there's always one escape
I don't know where love has gone
And in this troubled land desperation keeps us strong
Fridays child is full of soul
With nothing left to lose there's everything to go
And now I know what they're saying it's a terrible beat we made
And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

But perhaps why the song speaks so much to me at that time was the bit about broken love…

And now I know what they're saying as our hearts go to their graves
And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

Through the barricades, indeed…




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Top Ten Things Overheard After MJ Was Acquitted

Top Ten Things Overheard After MJ Was Acquitted by Simon (Guilty? Not guilty? Does anyone really care?)

• “I’d like to thank all the little people that believed in me in this distressing time – my fans, O.J., Bubbles, The Elephant Man, Lenny my favourite oxygen tank operator, etc.”
  
  
• “Mummy! Mummy! Who’s this Michael Jackson? And why is he touching himself?”
  
  
• “Michael, Michael, we have a proposal for, you. How do you feel about being our spokesperson for SK-II face whitening cream? After all, you are our biggest customer, and we pay VERY well…”
  
  
• “Dammit it! We failed to get him! First Kobe Bryant, then Robert Blake, now this! Don’t worry, we’ll try to get Paula Abdul and Russell Crowe next…”
  
  
• “Michael, this is Larry King from CNN Live. Can you confirm that the rumours that your legal team received some help from the following people – Bobby Donnell, the A-Team, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team and Jerry Springer? Your comments please…”
  
  
• “Oh, look! Today MJ is wearing his latest plastic nose! I like it, it looks better than last week’s silicone one…”
  
  
• “Back-ache! Back-ache! Guards, get my bottle of Jesus-juice! Now!”
  
  
• “Has anyone of you seen my SpongeBob Squarepants pajamas? Can you check if I left it at MacCauley Caulkin’s room…”
  
  
• “Guess what, I’ve got a fantastic idea for a new reality show! First we get 10 young boys, we lock them up in MJ’s Neverland mansion, every week there will be…”
  
  
• “You mean I got away with it?! Woo-hoo! Tonight I’m celebrating!! Bring out the pretty boys and the KY Jelly!”
  

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Book Tag

It’s a long and busy day ahead, so I’ll do the book meme that has been tagged on me for some time by 5xmom and Loc Kee.


1. Total number of books I've owned: Quite a lot. I’ve only began buying books since working, and a lot of books are borrowed or rented, but I still have quite a collection.


2. Last book I bought – Just last night I bought ‘Heaven Is So Real’ by Choo Thomas. For those who don’t know, this is a book that defies the logic of conventional religion. I read two chapters while sitting at the bench in MPH, so many people have recommended it to me. I’m gonna make all my friends read it, it’s the kind that makes you think seriously about your life and afterlife.


3. Last book I read – ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time’. I’ve reviewed it in my book review blog.


4. Five books or magazine that mean a lot to me – I have many books to fill this slot, to choose five is impossible for me. So I’ll pick five random ones from the top of my head.

• Lord of the Flies (William Golding) – No, this is not ‘Lost’ in book form. Golding’s study of social interaction where boys survives and fight like men makes the reader think about how we would react in a similar situation.
  
  
• Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt) – I finished the book in two sittings. The movie is crap, don’t ever watch it. It’s a stunning story of McCourt growing in abject poverty (something I could relate to) in Catholic Ireland, with a useless alcoholic father and long-suffering mother. In the 18 years of the book, he is always hungry, cold, ridiculed by his friends for always being penniless, and how he strove to make ends meet and finally sail for America.
  
  
• Dune (Frank Herbert) – I’m not a big fan of sci-fi, but this is an awesome book even if you don’t fancy the genre. The premise is simple and nothing new (boy born with prescient powers destined to be Messiah), but the mixture of politics, religion, technology, betrayal and desert warriors puts this right up there with Asimov and Clarke. Don't read any of the sequels or prequel. Just the original one.
  
  
• Neverwhere (Neil Gaiman) – Gaiman kicks ass. He is funny, he is imaginative and he is the best in the business.
  
  
• Ghost Children (Sue Townsend) – by far the best book by my favourite author. This is serious stuff, about how a middle-age overweight woman spends her life forgetting the haunting memories of an aborted baby in her youth. One day, her ex-lover appears in the rain outside her office walking his dog. Somewhere in the mix, there is a buried fetus, an unwanted child of a hooligan, and a ghost of children past. Fantastic stuff.

5. Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their blogs – Anyone that want to do so, please feel free to consider yourself tagged.

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Top Ten Signs Simon Needs A New Hobby

Top Ten Signs Simon Needs A New Hobby To Occupy His Time:

• Since American Idol and Amazing Race have ended, he has now resorted to watching Akademi Fantasia and Bob the Builder.
  
  
• The security guard at Kinokuniya knows him by name.
  
  
• He knows exactly how many days there are left until the new EPL season starts.
  
  
• He reads the newspaper TWICE everyday.
  
  
• He has taken all the humorous quizzes in TV Smith’s blog.
  
  
• He has colour-coded his office clothes in his wardrobe – Whites, Light Blues, Pink, Fuchsia and Neon Purple.
  
  
• Even his daughter is already sick of his “When I was your age…” stories.
  
  
• Al-Jazeera has got some cool shows, man!
  
  
• He can successfully predict the next advertisement that will come on the radio at any given time.
  
  
• More and more lame Top Ten Lists in his blog.
  
  
  

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Top Ten Things NOT to Do When You’re Lost while Jungle Trekking

Top Ten Things NOT to Do When You’re Lost while Jungle Trekking by Simon (NOT speaking from experience…)

• Drain out your phone battery trying to call Domino’s Pizza all night because you are hungry.
  
  
• “Oh, yeah? You think you’re a TIGER means you’re the king of the jungle eh? BRING IT ON, FAT CAT!!!!”.
  
  
• Try to emulate anything MacGyver ever did. It ain’t gonna work here, man.
  
  
• “We’re saved! That lion from ‘Madagascar’ is here to save us! Woo-hoo!”
  
  
• Freak out in the jungle just because you didn’t join the Pengakap (Boy Scouts) when you were young because you thought the Chess Club was so much cooler.
  
  
• “Don’t worry! We must stay right here! I just got a coded message from the mother ship, they are coming to rescue us with their tractor beam!”
  
  
• Try to use the ‘Force’ to find your way out.
  
  
• “Since we are all gonna die here anyway, let’s share with one another who our favourite Backstreet Boy is…”
  
  
• “Trust me, I can find the way out. I watch a lot of adventure movies. Follow the sun. It will set in the North and we will survive by eating all these brown ‘cream’ on the ground…”

• Don’t piss off the monkeys. Have you ever watched Planet of the Apes?

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It's OK If You Don't Know...

Sometimes you find that no matter how much you think or read up about a certain matter, you still can’t understand it. Don’t worry, there are many things out there that MANY people don’t understand, even if it seems simple to some other people. It’s OK if you find you don’t know some things, you’re not alone.



It’s OK if you don’t know what NASDAQ stands for.


It’s OK if you don’t know why the Speaker rejects a motion in our Parliament.


It’s OK if you don’t know why our national football team is so pathetic.


It’s OK if you don’t know what all the fuss about Zhang Yimou’s films is all about.


It’s OK if you don’t know what Alan Greenspan really does for a living.


It’s OK if you don’t know why a top-scoring Malaysian student can be rejected by the gomen for a small scholarship.


It’s OK if you don’t know how an integrated circuit board works.


It’s OK if you don’t know who holds the Approved Permits (AP) to import cars in Malaysia.


It’s OK if you don’t know why the sky is blue.


It’s OK if you don’t know why some Malaysians are so easily duped by systematic propaganda.


It’s OK if you don’t know where have all the angsana trees gone.


It’s OK if you don’t know why there is a crack in your kitchen wall.


It’s OK if you don’t understand why your neighbour throws rubbish on your side of the fence.


It’s OK if you don’t remember anything from the following subjects you learnt in school: Tatarakyat, Kesihatan, Jawi, Pendidikan Moral and Rampaian Sains.


It’s OK if you don’t know how to keep score in cricket or bridge.


It’s OK if you don’t know why some Malaysian drivers are born without their brains.



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Smart Answers to Difficult Questions! Order Now!

Ever get asked a question that you can’t answer but don’t want to show your ignorance?

Or don’t want to lose face in front of everybody even though you didn’t finish primary school?

Or want to show that you’re smarter than everyone else (but actually you’re the opposite)?


Don’t worry, Simon is here!


Learn to be a smart-alec with these fantastic example answers! Learn the tricks and soon people will think you have a PhD! Is so simple!!
(If you would like to buy the complete DVD training course, send USD$399.90 to me)


Sample smart answers to ANY random intelligent questions:


Question: What do you think is the primary reason for the change in ratings issued earlier by Morgan Stanley Capital?
Answer: What do YOU think?


Question: Why do you think the 4 to 1 exhaust manifold is chosen in this situation?
Answer: Well, why not?


Question: Actually why does the FIC impose these limitations on foreigners buying property in Malaysia but not for foreign owned corporations?
Answer: Hard to say…


Question: Say, I need all the help and advice for the treasure hunt tomorrow…
Answer: You know, I COULD help you, but wouldn’t it be more satisfying if you succeeded on your own?


Question: For credit card purchases do we press the blue button first or open the cash register first?
Answer: Do I look very free to you?


And lastly, the best one…


Question: Wow, how do those racers drift their cars with such ease?
Answer: Simple thing like this I don’t need to explain it to you, right?


Call now for our unbeatable offer and get a Simon coffee mug free! While stocks last!



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Where to Meet Girls?

I remember a few years ago a friend of mine was actively looking for a girlfriend. Nothing wrong with him, nice guy, good job, decent car, okay in the looks department (not Brad Pitt, but still okay). But no girlfriend. And he was tired of not meeting any girls. So he set out to find one. I don’t know the details of how he went about ‘finding’ a girlfriend (with a shovel? A magnet? A Lotus Esprit?) but he DID succeed. The relationship didn’t last long, and about a year or so he was unattached again.

He’ll probably meet more girls if, say, he was selling perfume at the L’Oreal counter at Isetan (and does NOT look gay) he would meet more girls. But he doesn’t work there. So the trick is to be in the RIGHT place to meet girls.

I don’t know where the RIGHT place is, but I do know the WRONG places are. I’ve listed a few for single guys to avoid:

Pasar malam – People go there to buy vegetables, junk food, nail-clippers, cheap watches, toilet slippers, etc. But not to meet girls. The girls will be dressed in their last choice T-shirts (especially those with cheesy cartoons on them) and shorts. They can’t wait to go home to eat/watch VCD/take a bath, and striking up a conversation with a total stranger while carrying 8 plastic bags is not what they have in mind.

Bars and discos – Contrary to popular belief, single Malaysian girls don’t hang out alone at the bar, moping about their break-up or waiting for some nice man to buy them a martini. Girls go with their boyfriends (forget it unless you want to eat knuckles) or go in a large group of girl friends (good luck in separating one from the rest of the giggling crowd). But one day, if you meet a pretty girl sitting alone smiling back at you, try to make sure that ‘she’ has always been a girl first…

Lingerie/Underwear section at the department store –You said go where the girls are, right? Girls are always shopping for underwear, right? Wrong. If a girl sees a guy standing in front of the bra display, it can mean one of three things – One, poor sod is waiting for his wife/girlfriend in the changing room. Two, he’s one of those ah-neh who wears women’s clothes. Three, he’s a pervert ogling at girls’ undies. All not good options.

Lunch time at the office canteen / foodcourt – You might think this is a sure-fire method. However, you’re wrong again. Don’t disturb women when they want to eat. This is really a really important time to them, it maybe the only time they get to eat in a day. Picture this. You’re a girl, standing in line at the chap fan stall, stomach rumbling, trying to finish lunch quickly to rush back to office and finish that report for your boss, and this gawky guy comes up and say, “Have we met somewhere before…?”



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Radio Channel Surfing

This is what happens to me on the way back from work everyday in the car:


(Turns on car radio to Mix FM)

Ewww. Cannot tahan this annoying DJ. Thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Ble-eech.


(Switches to Hitz FM)

(Listens to songs for 5 minutes.)

Yecch, why do they keep playing this song? Its 3 months old and they still play it 10 times a day. Some more on all 4 radio stations….


(Switches over to Light & Easy)

(Listens to elevator music for 2 minutes and 17 seconds)

Yawn. I’m growing old listening to this. When are they bring back ‘Classic Rock’?


(Switches back to Mix FM)

(Listens to 21 minutes and 17 seconds of radio advertisements.)

Eh, so many advertisements one. Some more this new Proton ad is so annoying. They think buying car is like changing underwear, meh? When is the darn traffic report coming on? That Priscilla Patrick is SUCH a flirt.


(Switches to Hitz FM again)

Ugh. Can’t stand this hip-hop artiste. Not worth 50 sen. Good, it’s finishing. Weather report?! Gaaahhh…


(Switches to ERA FM playing Hindi music…)

Aaah….finally. Some quality radio programming….


(Fast forward two hours later. Simon is at home watching TV.)

Bleech. Can’t stand stand this show. Insulting our intelligence, only. Where’s the TV remote…?



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Photoblog: Save The Last Dance For Me...

While he was asked. "Who gives away the bride?", the above song must be humming in the father's head...

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Congratulations, from the Family, and the Fountain. Finally...








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Some Things You Don't Know About Star Wars by Simon

This will be the last Star Wars posting. I promise (fingers crossed). Next week the Batman jokes and parodies will commence. (Unless I do the Fantastic Four ones first)

• Darth Vader’s helmet comes with MP3 player with headphones, X-ray vision to gawk at the female aliens, and need 2 coats of turtle wax everyday.
  
  
• George Lucas modeled the character Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine after certain Malaysian retired politician.
  
  
• Some symbolisms to satisfy the Da Vinci Code fans : Lightsabers = male phallic symbols. Death Star = female fertility symbol (?)
  
  
• When the Scottish actor Ewan MacGregor grows old years from now, he will look mysteriously like Alec Guinness.
  
  
• Yoda is gay (do you SEE any girlfriend or children?)
  
  
• The Wookies are the reigning Intergalactic Basketball Champions, after defeating the Battle Droids All-Star team 143-27 at the Naboo AstroDome.
  
  
• After the success of the grow-you-own Sea Monkeys set, Toys ‘R’ Us are planning one for the reptile creature (the one Obi-Wan Kenobi was riding).
  
  
• The main reason why Jar Jar Binks was not given any lines in this movie was that everytime he said something, the rest of the ambassadors would beat the crap out of him for his annoying fake accent.
  
  
• If anyone gave you a Stormtrooper armour, don’t bother using it, it doesn’t work. One blaster shot and you’re dead.
  
  
• There were rumours of X-rated video clip circulating the Coruscant World Wide Web involving Padme Amidala and C3P-0.
  

Other moronic Star Wars-in-Malaysia posts by Simon:

What to do When You’ve Watched Star Wars Sixteen Times Already...

Too Many Star Wars Blogs

Top Ten Things That Will Happen If Darth Vader Became the Emperor of Malaysia

Top Ten Most Annoying Habits of Malaysian While Watching Movies

Top Ten Surprises in the New Star Wars Movie

Scenes That You Will NOT See in the New Star Wars Movie


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Top Ten Reasons to Vote for Simon in the PPS Neophyte of the Year Award

Evidently, I have been nominated for the Neophyte of the Year Award in the PPS 2nd Anniversary celebrations. I am very surprised how this happened, seeing that my blog usually has only two readers.

If you like this blog and wish to vote for it (and have not voted for the other two great blogs) you can do so here.

If you missed that, here it is again.

I just hope I can get more than two votes, I up against some really popular blogs. Hopefully, Aizuddin and the good people at PPS will not publish the results of the voting, it would be really embarrassing for everyone to see my two votes!

Anyways, here goes some shameless campaigning on my part.


Top Ten Reasons to Vote for Simon in the PPS Neophyte of the Year Award

• Simon isn’t really a moronic male blogger – in real life, ‘he’ is a hot bikini model babe.
  
  
• He hasn’t washed his clothes for months. He needs the free PPS T-shirt prize to last him another two weeks.
  
  
• Simon is using the awards as the stepping stone for his greater plans – first the PPS, then Gerakan party elections, then World Domination as Dark Lord of the Sith! BWUAHAHAHA!!!!
  
  
• The blog is NOT really authored him, it’s written by 8 well-trained monkeys working on typewriters for 12 hours a day. A vote for him is a vote for animal equality rights.
  
  
• He needs something to cheer him up, after coming in third in Amazing Race 7 AND losing out to Bo and Carrie in American Idol, Simon is really feeling depressed…
  
  
• If he wins the first prize of 1-year free web-hosting, Simon can fulfill his life-long dream of setting an internet company specializing in phishing, cheap online drugs, spam e-mailing, credit card scams, male performance enhancement drugs, etc.
  
  
• A vote for Simon is a vote against globalization, against the EU solidarity, against emission of greenhouse gases, against wanton killing of Rajah Brooke butterflies, ….zzzzz…. zzzzz….
  
  
• Simon needs the support of fellow bloggers as he is facing the ongoing traumatic court case saga. (He is accused of exposing himself to a group of ladies at a bus-stop while wearing a Darth Vader costume…)
  
  
• He would really like to win something before the world comes to end officially on June 26, 2005 (Simon is a member of the Heaven’s Door and Earth’s Temple Cult)
  
  
• The Neophyte of the Year will look great next to his collection of awards – Best KL Despatch Boy ’98, Most MC’s in a Year (Asia-Pacific) 2004, Special Award by PLUS for Oldest Car on North-South Highway, Voted Most Unlikely To Succeed in by Form Five classmates, etc.
  

So, what are you waiting for? Vote for Simon now! (Yep, more shameless campaigning...)

Some Pencil Sketches...

I was at a great seminar for a couple of days, very inspiring and informative. But in between to good parts, there were some slow moments. Some of my colleagues scuplted beautiful things with the Play-Doh (provided by the organizers). I did that but didn't like the oily residue on my hands, so I started doing something I haven't been doing for years - pencil sketching. Amid my colleague's comments of "Gee, you're one disturbed dude" and "What on EARTH is that?", here are some of my favourites (Let me just say I'm NOT very good at this drawing stuff):


We'll start with the typical "Imposing Dark Mountain in Moonlight" (not a good one, I'll admit)






OK, then we've got the "Angel With Sword and Outstretched Wings" (Not related to the Academy Award Ocsar guy)






Then I really got into it. On the right, its a "Brooding Elf Wizard" (NOT Gandalf.) On the left its a hooded elven warrior with scimitar and buckle shield. (They're all hooded coz I can't draw faces!)






Right, I like this next one. It's a dark figure with a guardian watching over him (Note the cross staff. I love drawing that)






Then I got bored. So I had "Fortress Atop Mountains Under Moonlight" (gotta do better...)






This one is "Transforming Angel and Flaming Maltese Cross" (Or some guy with wings.)






"Beast in Cemetery" (The tree is dead; I don't like drawing leaves)






And finally "Warrior on Beast of Burden". I like the halberd. (Can't draw animals too)





Now all my colleagues don't want to sit next to me.

Top Ten Things to Look Forward to This June

Anyways before I go off, here’s something to cheer up all of you stuck in the office/home for the next few days, suffering middle-of-the-year crisis/depression…


Top Ten Things to Look Forward to This June (Since its June 1st)

• Only six months to the next bonus!
  
  
• At least 2 weeks of (relatively) good traffic due to the school holidays (I’m the KING OF THE ROAD!!!!)
  
  
• More interesting mails on ‘cheap drugs’ and ‘online degrees’ spamming your mailbox.
  
  
• With football season over, so much golf to watch on TV! (BOO-OORING…)
  
  
• Malaysian Idol!!! AND Akademi Fantasia!!! Woo-hoo!! (yes, I AM joking.)
  
  
• The ultimate joys of seeing your just-washed-and-waxed car get re-washed in the Malaysian June thunderstorms (Noooo…!).
  
  
• Your friendly neighbours having kenduri kahwin (sirap bandung, here I come!!!)
  
  
• June paycheck (only 29 days more!!!)
  
  
• Company carrying out your mid-year performance appraisal (Gaaah...)
  
  
• Coming this month : Proton Savvy versus Perodua Myvi, Federer versus Nadal, Tun Mahathir versus the Star…
  

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Remembering the Tiananmen Massacre: June 4, 1989

This will be a short blog before I take a little break for a few days.

This week marks 16 years since the Tiananmen Massacre in 1989. Yes, my friends, it was a massacre.

The story a nutshell, was a culmination of decades and decades of oppressive communism.

On April 15, 1989, disgraced Communist Party chairman Hu Yao-bang passed on. He was a liberal reformer ousted in 1987 for not halting student demonstrations for democracy and human rights. His death triggered peaceful marches and protests from Beijing university students, who had largely viewed him as silent revolutionary in the Red party regime. They danced and debated politics in Tiananmen Square, and even erected the now famous ‘Goddess of Democracy’.

Supreme party leader Deng Xiaoping decided to take no shit. On May 20, martial law was declared. He ordered soldiers with machine guns, tear gas, tanks, shells, armoured vehicles to disperse the crowd.

The protesters resisted, retaliating with rocks and Molotov cocktails. They sincerely believed it was time to take a stand against the corrupt government and start a revolution to reforms. They thought they could succeed.

They were wrong.

On the night of June 3, soldiers opened fire on their fellow brothers with AK-47s, and tanks fired openly at the crowd, running over the students and innocent by-standers.

By the morning of June 4, 5000 were dead, and the square was swept clean. Hundreds and thousands are still kept in prison and torture camps or exiled to this day.

Beijing then declared victory against "counter-revolutionary insurgents".

The world reacted with shock and horror. Beijing ignored them and stood firm.

Now 16 years later, many people have forgotten. Or led themselves to believe that China is now a more politically open country than in 1989.

Right.



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J-Pop Style 'Negaraku'?

I read with interest Silencers’ funny entry about playing our national anthem in cinemas, which was followed by 5xmom’s take on the subject. It seems to me the people in charge are not really tackling the root of the problem, which is the declining respect for the ‘Negaraku’ among the younger generation.

When I was in school, I had to sing 3 songs at assembly every week: ‘Negaraku’, our school song and ‘Setia’ (OK, don’t ask me about that last one).

All my friends from different schools had the same opinion – “The song is BO-ORRING!!”

So the big boys in charge introduce a marching beat version. Slight improvement, but kids were still not respecting the national anthem.

If this doesn’t work, what next? Let’s see what some other countries do or did (in the past) regarding national anthems (which I suspect HAVE been considered):

• Put your right hand on your heart when you sing, like those communist countries.
  
  
• Or better yet, lift your right arm in a Nazi salute (like Paulo Di Canio…)
  
  
• Lift your right fist up high, like the Black Panthers (must be wearing black glove)
  
  
• When the anthem is played in public places, get soldiers to arrest anyone fooling around or disrespecting the song (like in North Korea or some fourth world dictatorship)
  
  
• Have (many) different versions to appeal to everyone – hip-hop (as suggested by a Malaysian rap group), black metal, Canto-pop, J-pop, rave, techno, Love Me Butch-style, Kylie Minogue style….
  

Anyway, bottom line is : However or whatever you make people sing or listen to it, it won’t make a difference if people still don’t respect it…




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